Letters
by ThePhreak
Summary: A letter leaves Professor McGonagall unsure of how to feel about her student, Hermione Granger. MMHG, AU
1. Chapter 1

_Professor,_

_I like you._

_By this, I don't mean that I simply think you're a good teacher and I enjoy your class. That is true, but there is more than that. I like you in the sense that I want to get to know you while cuddling on a couch eating marshmallows and running my fingers through your hair. And I would be sure not to get any sticky substances in the wrong place._

_There is a certain amount of lust involved. I freely admit that I find you to be very attractive. I also admit that I've spent more than one class staring at your lips, wondering…well, I'm sure you can imagine the sort of things I wondered about. You usually asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital wing on days like that._

_Despite this lust, I also want to know __**you**__. The real you, the really true you. I want to know what makes you tick. Your likes, dislikes. Your habits and quirks. The little things that make a person who she is at any given moment. The endearing, and not so much, qualities that can make or break a relationship._

_I suppose that brings me to the crux of it. A relationship. While I admit that I like you, I am also not entirely sure that I'd like a relationship. I am not entirely sure that I want you to like me back. After all, I am still a child in the eyes of many, no matter what I've done. Fighting a war doesn't make you any less physically young, and so I wonder…should I want you to like me or would that mean there would be something inherently __**wrong **__with you to like me, a "child?"_

_In addition, I don't even know if you'd be open to the idea. After all, you may be straight. For all I know, you could be married with children. Or maybe you are as queer as I, but maybe you have a partner with whom you're entirely in love? And I find it doubtful that you've thought of me as anything but your student. I read books and hand in too much homework - what is there that could endear me to you?_

_Though I don't know very much about you - in fact, I know next to nothing - I do still like you. For though I don't know where you grew up and what was the name of your very first pet, I do know other things. I know that when you're angry or upset, your lips become a thin line and your brow wrinkles in just that way. I know that when you're happy, you smile…but it doesn't always reach your eyes. You don't give a smile like Mr. Lockhart - yours is small, private. I know that you like ginger newts with you tea, and when you drink your tea you do so like a proper lady - pinky sticking out. I know that you would do anything to protect those you care for, or those you're responsible for. I know that you chew on the end of your quill when you're concentrating and run it across your lips when you think that no one is looking. _

_I also know that I could never have said any of this to your face, for the moment I uttered the words, "I like you," you would have sent me packing, probably declaring that I'm much too young to know what I'm talking about and that I should go find Ron Weasley and let him apologize for his latest blunder. You would have been firm and not given it a "what if?" By taking the time to write this letter, to put into words much of how I feel and what I'm thinking, I hope that you are better equipped to make a decision as to how to deal with this…with me._

_And so I leave my heart in your hands, Professor McGonagall. I do not presume to say that I love you, nor do I presume to think I will never get over you. I do hope that you don't feel pressured either way and can act on how you truly feel._

_Sincerely,_

_Hermione Granger_

Minerva read the letter for what must have surely been the hundredth time. Then she heaved a great sigh, put her head in her hands, and thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to those of you that reviewed! In case you're wondering, this story follows the events of DH but ignores the Epilogue.

* * *

_Miss Granger,_

_I am flattered, I assure you, by your declaration. However, you are a student under my care and I cannot allow there to be any relation other than that of teacher and student to pass between us. I will not venture into what if's. _

_-MM_

Hermione sighed. She folded her reply from McGonagall into a small square and slipped it into her trunk. She couldn't help but be disappointed, despite that what she received was all she could have hoped to expect. Her mind and desires were at odds, for while she wanted almost desperately to kiss the woman senseless, she also did not want to risk the consequences of such an action, particularly without the full consent, and eagerness, of that woman.

Feeling better because she had at last told McGonagall how she felt, Hermione decided there was no use sulking on it. So she gathered the books she'd told her friends she needed to get and went back down to the common room, plastering her usual eager smile on her face.

After returning to Hogwarts to complete her schooling, Hermione had learned, or more came to grasp with, certain aspects of herself that she had before shoved to the back of her mind in favor of other, more important, things. Once the stress of following Harry to the end of the earth was removed, she finally had time to be a normal girl…or as close to normal as Hermione Granger ever got.

She and Ron had finally gotten together during their year away from the school, but once they got back…it seemed for her that things were different. She was no longer worried that she would lose her best friends or that she would never live long enough to find love. And it came to her while Ron was trying to insert his tongue into her mouth that she did not, in fact, feel very comfortable with him.

"Ronald," she had blurted, pushing him away. "I'm sorry, but I don't think…I don't think I like you like this."

A fight had, of course, ensued. Hermione spent some time by herself, occasionally thinking about any other boys she had gotten close to. Which is when she came to the conclusion that boys just weren't what she was looking for.

That conclusion was not the end of the world. While Ron had been rather upset about finding out that the girl he'd fancied for so long, and who he thought had fancied him, was batting for the other team, he eventually forgave her, and the two of them, as well as Harry, were soon thick as thieves once again.

"Hermione?"

Ginny's voice broke Hermione out of her thoughts.

"Sorry, Ginny, I drifted off there," the older girl said.

"I don't understand Lloyd's Law on expanding an object's size. Could you explain it to me?"

Hermione smiled and delved into all the particulars, glad to have a distraction and a semblance of normalcy.

In another part of the castle, Minerva McGonagall was having more trouble distracting herself. In her hand she held a piece of parchment - it was the original letter she had written to Miss Granger. And while she did not look at it, couldn't bring herself to even glance at the words, she knew exactly what was written there.

_Miss Granger,_

_I am flattered, I assure you, by your declaration. I'm afraid I must admit that you have not been the only one entertaining thoughts you shouldn't. I have been quite disgusted with myself at the idea of a "crush" of sorts on a student. However, you are not a child. I haven't been able to think of you as one for quite some time. Though you are young and still in school, your actions have not been those of an adolescent. Rash and not always well thought out, yes, but the responsibilities you took upon yourself, as well as Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley, were such that everyone in the wizarding world is indebted to you. The three of you stood up in the face of something that many of us feared too much to even speak of._

_But enough of your bravery. You certainly don't need to be told what you did._

_You would be incorrect in thinking that I am married with children. I am, as you put it, "queer." I do not have a partner seeing as I'm rather limited - I spend nine months of the year at this school. I am, however, open to the idea of a relationship. If that means there is something wrong with me, then so be it._

_However, I will not have a one night stand. I refuse to indulge in anyone's "professor fantasy." At my age, I don't need sex for the sake of sex. And if the fact that I am much, __**much **__older than you throws you off, that is probably a good thing. My feelings will not be hurt should you decide that your liking of me is not what you thought it was._

_So despite that you left your heart in my hands, Miss Granger, I leave the next step up to you._

_Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

The words were soon lost as Minerva crumbled the letter into a ball and tossed it into the fire.


End file.
